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Ant Pants (episode)/Script

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  • (The episode fades in to an extreme close-up of a chocolate chip cookie; zoom out to Dee Dee eating the cookie; the crumbs slowly fall to the ground; Dee Dee eats another cookie and more crumbs fall to the ground; a stray crumb is loomed over by an ant's shadow)
  • Dee Dee: *chewing noisily* Cookies! *laughs, then continues eating noisily*
  • (More ants appear next to the cookie crumbs; Dee Dee picks up another cookie and sees a fire ant on top of it; she screams and drops the cookie; a colony of ants appear at the cookie crumbs at once)
  • Dee Dee: Icky, icky, icky ants!
  • (She runs out and returns with her father's golf cleats; zoom out to Dexter in his laboratory; the screen flashes with "DEE-DEE WEARING FATHER'S GOLF CLEATS")
  • Computer: Dee Dee using father's golf shoes.
  • (Dexter turns around and watches the action unfold)
  • Dee Dee: Say your prayers, ants!
  • Dexter: This is madness.
  • (He teleports to the kitchen; cut to the kitchen, Dee Dee is still in mid-air, she slowly drops to the ground while her brother appears)
  • Dexter: Dee Dee, cease this mindless behavior! Have you any thinking of what you are about to do?
  • Dee Dee: Well, I-
  • Dexter: QUIET! I am speaking rhetorically. Of course you don't. Allow me to explain the irony of the situation to you: You are about to destroy a highly organized hard-working society, you sub-intellectual lacking broomstick! Ants are a marvel of insect evolution. Ants are-
  • Dee Dee: Icky.
  • Dexter: To be respected!
  • Dee Dee: Icky!
  • Dexter: Respected!
  • Dee Dee: Icky!
  • Dexter: Respected!
  • Dee Dee: Icky!
  • Dexter: Respected! Even though you are undeserving, I have no choice but to further educate you in the superior ways of the tiny titans. I do this not for you, I do it for the ants.
  • (He and Dee Dee teleport back to the lab)
  • Dexter: It is here in my astounding laboratory, that you shall gain a newfound respect for the noble denizens of the dirt. For I, Dexter, have used my superior intellects to assemble the world's largest, most amazing ant farm. I call it... Antopia!
  • (The camera pans up to reveal the entire ant farm)
  • Dexter: Behold the mighty wonders of the ant kingdom! Observe how they are always on the move.
  • (Zoom into a few worker ants carrying rocks with their claws)
  • Dexter: Forever working, forever building, never tiring, ants can lift 50 times their own weight.
  • (Cut to a line of worker ants; the giant rock from the ceiling falls on one of them; two ants carrying a stretcher run in from the left; they remove the rock from the injured ant and place it in the stretcher)
  • Dexter: If anyone is injured, the others instantly assist him.
  • (A security ant comes in from the right and blows a whistle; the line of ants continue moving)
  • Dexter: ...And keep the line moving!
  • Security ant: Show's over.
  • (Cut to outside the ant farm; Dee Dee is seen eating more cookies)
  • Dexter: Now do you not see how incredible they are?
  • Dee Dee: See? See food!
  • (She sticks her tongue out with a chewed-up chocolate chip cookie on the tip)
  • Dexter: Very well. You leave me no alternative.
  • (He pushes a red button on his remote; two giant claws come down and pull both Dexter and Dee Dee up)
  • Dexter: You must learn respect for creatures that are far superior to you.
  • Dee Dee: Seafood!
  • Dexter: We will enter the ant world and live amongst them. But in order to do so, we must don...
  • (Extreme close-up of Dexter's face)
  • Dexter: The ant pants! Thorax!
  • (Two ant thoraxes cover Dexter and Dee Dee's torsos)
  • Dexter: Abdomen!
  • (The ant abdomen cover Dexter and Dee Dee's legs)
  • Dexter: Communicators!
  • (A set of antennae cover their heads)
  • Dexter: Activate shrink ray!
  • (Two lasers shrink Dexter and Dee Dee; they both fall into the ant farm and bump into the walls along the way; they later hit the ground)
  • Dexter: We made it, Dee Dee! Now we can see firsthand the mysteries of the ants' genius! And with these communicators, we can understand their language.
  • (A giant light shines in their faces)
  • Security ant: You there! Why aren't you working?!
  • Dexter: Uh..., I, uh..., our great admirer, educating sister, you see?
  • Security ant: Back in line, mindless drones!
  • (Dexter scratches his head)
  • Dexter: Yes, sir. Right away, Mr. Ant.
  • (He grabs Dee Dee and runs off)
  • Dee Dee: Way to go, Bugster. Now we're both in trouble.
  • Dexter: Fear not, Dee Dee. All we need to do is conform to their ways, and I am certain they will accept us.

(A giant rock crushes him)

  • Dee Dee: Psst, Dexter, I'm outta here!
  • (She leaves; Dexter moves the rock from over him to see the security ant looming over him)
  • Security ant: Ho ho, I've got a special assignment for you!
  • Dexter: Oh, boy.
  • (Fade to Dexter walking down a rocky path with flames surrounding him; he looks at the signs, with the first one reading "Work!", the second one reading "Toil!", and the third one reading "Stop looking at the signs!"; Dexter stops moving and pants; he puts the rock down and one of the ants whips him in the abdomen)
  • Ant guard: The queen will see you, lazy one!
  • Dexter: I hope Dee Dee is as miserable as I am.
  • (Cut to a close-up of Dee Dee's face)
  • Dee Dee: Okay! A 1, a 2...
  • (She is dancing with three ants; all of them dance in unison)
  • Dee Dee: ♫If you wanna dance and have a little fun, stick your legs out front, that's the way it's done. You turn around once so we can see your back, then you go into the kitchen and have a little snack!♫ Hooray!
  • (Fade to the queen's throne room; Dexter is seen standing in the middle while a group of worker ants all watch; an ant jester bounces by; the ants cheer)
  • Queen Ant: Well, slave, it appears you haven't been showing much enthusiasm for your job. We cannot tolerate laziness. Perhaps you'd become a bit motivated when saving your life becomes your job!
  • (The ants cheer; Dee Dee watches from nearby)
  • Queen Ant: I hereby sentence you to fight to the death! Release Big Red!
  • (The ants cheer; a giant, muscular ant appears)
  • Dexter: I am a thinker, not a fighter!
  • (Big Red tries to grab him, but Dexter runs)
  • Dexter: Must reverse the shrink ray and return Dee Dee and myself back to normal size!
  • (Big Red steps on Dexter's back, causing him to drop the remote; Dee Dee gasps and runs; Big Red towers over Dexter laughing menacingly; the ants cheer)
  • Dexter: May I just say that you are a fine specimen of the genus formicidae?
  • (Big Red grabs Dexter's head)
  • Dee Dee: May I have your attention, please? I have a special message for Mr. Big Red!
  • (Big Red roars; he drops Dexter and stomps over to Dee Dee)
  • Dee Dee: A 1, a 2... ♫If you wanna dance and have a little fun, stick your legs out front, that's the way it's done. You turn around once so we can see your back, then you go into the kitchen and have a little snack!♫
  • (Big Red dances along to Dee Dee's song; Dexter picks up the shrink ray remote)
  • Dexter: Let's get big, Dee Dee!
  • (He activates the shrink ray and both Dexter and Dee Dee crash out of the ant farm)
  • Dee Dee: Gee, Dexter, you were right. The ants *she looks at Dexter and frowns* are amazing.
  • (Dexter is seen stomping on a few ants)
  • Dexter: Take this, and this, and this! How about that one, and this one, and that one!
  • (Iris-close on Dexter)

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