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- (It is a snowy winter night outside; cut into Dexter's laboratory; Dee Dee is typing on a keyboard)
- Dee Dee: "P", "O", uh... "N", "Y."
- (On one of the monitors, the items on Dee Dee's Christmas list flashes as she applauds)
- Dee Dee: Yay! My Christmas list is all done.
- (Pan to one of the monitors showing Dexter watching the action; he knocks on the camera then flails his arms)
- Dexter: Hey, there! What are you doing to my computer?
- Dee Dee: I'm sending a list of all my wishes to Santa claus.
- Dexter: Santa Claus? (blows a raspberry; suddenly, he appears on every monitor) Don't you know there is no such thing?
- (Dee Dee looks to her right, then walks over to find Dexter sitting behind a curtain talking into a microphone over his head with a webcam pointing at him; Dee Dee pulls down on a chain, forcing the curtain open)
- Dexter: You are simply wasting your precious time, valuable electricity, and computer space even thinking about such foolishness!
- Dee Dee: Ha! (Dexter flips out of his chair and lands on the ground upside down) If there's no Santa Claus, then how do the presents get under the tree every Christmas morning?
- Dexter: (standing right-side up) Isn't it obvious? Haven't you heard? Sister, let me lay it on you. (He reaches for a microphone and pulls it toward him) Word!
- (A rap beat starts to play; Dexter snaps his fingers and taps to it)
- Dexter: ♪ Ho-o-o!
- (Flash to Dad standing on a blue screen; he is suddenly dressed as Santa Claus,
- Dexter: ♪ Dad dresses up in a Santa getup ♪
- (Cut to Dad pushing the family car up a ramp with a rock acting as a pulley)
- Dexter: ♪ And then he puts the car up on the rooftop ♪
- (On the rooftop, the family car suddenly transforms into a sleigh)
- Dexter: ♪ He makes the car look like a sleigh, dear (Mom is then shown; she has a red nose, a pair of antlers, and a belt buckle with sleigh bells) and Mom dresses up just like a reindeer ♪
- (Mom rubs Dad, who then slides down the chimney; inside the house, there are numerous presents around the Christmas tree)
- Dexter: ♪ She greases up Dad so he slides down the chimney, and put all our presents around the tree ♪
- (Mom pulls Dad out of the chimney; they are then shown riding down the rooftop in the sleigh)
- Dexter: ♪ Then Mom pulls him up, and by-and-by, they drive down the roof and into the sky ♪
- (Dee Dee watches out the window; she waves at Dad and Mom as the sleigh falls and crashes into the ground)
- Dexter: ♪ You go to the window because you heard a little sound, and see Santa fly by before they all hit the ground ♪
- (Flash back to Dee Dee and Dexter in the latter's laboratory)
- Dexter: ♪ Everybody say ho-o-o! ♪ (The beat stops) Yeah! Ooh! Ho!
- Dee Dee: All right, knock it off. (while snatching the microphone from Dexter) Give me that.
- Dexter: My microphone.
- Dee Dee: You're nuts. Everybody knows Santa Claus is real.
- (Fade to several elves at the North Pole working on many toys)
- Dee Dee: (voiceover) He lives up in the north pole with a thousand happy elves, (fade back to Dee Dee) working hard, making toys for me and all of the other good little boys and girls. So I don't know where you get this stuff about Dad being Santa Claus.
- (Dexter pulls out a remote and pushes a button; a metal wall slides between him and Dee Dee)
- Dee Dee: It just doesn't--hey!
- (Dexter leaves to the right)
- Dexter: Stupid Dee Dee. (mocking tone) "a thousand happy elves." North Pole, ha! I will prove to her before this Christmas Eve is over (cut to an extreme close-up of his face) that my theory is correct.
- (Fade to black then back in; another outside view of the house is shown; it then cuts to the living room, the fireplace, and then the chimney; it zooms out to reveal the chimney being shown on one of the monitors; Dexter is seen snoring while sleeping; he wakes up with a fright, then goes back to sleep shortly after)
- (Suddenly, an alarm goes off, with Dexter jumping up in fright; he watches on the monitor as Santa's sleigh and two of his reindeer come into view while laughing evilly and rubbing his hands)
- Dexter: Welcome to the party, pops.
- (In the living room, Santa Claus appears via a magical flurry that appears out of the fireplace)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho, ho!
- (He walks toward the Christmas tree and places several presents underneath it; Dexter appears out of the circular rug)
- Dexter: All right, Dad. The jig is up.
- Santa Claus: Ho?
- Dexter: Come on, Dad, I know it is you! Turn around!
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho. Ho, ho?
- Dexter: Yeah, yeah. "Ho, ho, ho." (He pulls out a camera-like invention) Now, come on, take off that beard so I can get a picture.
- Santa Claus: (surprised) Ho, ho?
- (Dexter readies himself to take a picture of Santa Claus)
- Dexter: Ha ha. These pictures will show Dee Dee how infantile her beliefs are.
- (Santa walks over to Dexter and takes the invention out of his hands; Santa then tosses the invention aside)
- Dexter: What? Hey!
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho!
- (He shoos Dexter away then goes back to the presents)
- Dexter: Hey!
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho. Ho, ho, ho, ho.
- (Moments after, Dexter runs toward Santa Claus and tackles him; he then pulls hard on Santa's mustache)
- Santa Claus: (painfully) Ho, ho, ho, ho.
- Dexter: (through clenched teeth) It's stuck on tight. Huh?
- (Santa stands up and throws Dexter off his back)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho!
- (He rubs his nose and turns into a whirlwind that flies back up the chimney)
- Dexter: Dad? Hmm.
- (On the rooftop, Santa is loading one of his sacks in his sleigh; Dexter appears through a metal chimney tube that pops out of the snow)
- Dexter: Hello, Father. Leaving so soon?
- (He walks toward Santa wielding a handheld razor; Santa backs into the chimney)
- Dexter: All right, Pappy, how about a little electric shave?
- (One of the reindeer preps its front two legs like a horse and jumps in front of Dexter)
- Dexter: Mom, it's okay. I figured it out a long time ago.
- (The reindeer growls and chases after Dexter)
- Dexter: Mom, you got to learn to let things go. I mean, I am not going to be your little boy forever.
- (The reindeer looks at Santa confused)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho?
- (Dexter pounces on the reindeer and pulls it offscreen; Santa shields his eyes)
- Dexter: Gotcha! Time to stop pretending, Mom!
- (Something snaps; Santa uncovers his eyes in horror)
- Santa Claus: Ho!
- (Cut to Dexter and the reindeer; Dexter is seen holding the reindeer's antlers; the reindeer itself is seen crying in pain)
- Dexter: Mom?
- (The reindeer covers the spots where its antlers used to be; fed up with Dexter, Santa stomps toward him)
- Dexter: Wow. These things are pretty real. I'm impressed.
- (Santa grabs Dexter and forces him into the chimney)
- Santa Claus: (angrily) Ho.
- (He gets in his sleigh and takes off; Dexter watches them)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho ho!
- Dexter: Oh, no. They jumped off the roof. Oh, but they are not going to get away from me.
- (He raises his arms up; the chimney pulls out of the side of the house like a space shuttle preparing to take off)
- Dexter: Extreme science!
- (While Dexter flies into the skies, the chimney transforms into a fighter jet that encapsulates Dexter)
- (Back at the Dexter family house, Dee Dee wakes up to the cold winds shivering; she gets out of bed and sleepwalks over to the window; she gasps in surprise as Santa flies past her window)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
- Dee Dee: Hi, Santa!
- (Her happiness is cut short as Dexter flies past)
- Dexter: Come back here, Dad!
- Dee Dee: Dexter? (echoing) Dex-ter!
- (Santa flies overhead with Dexter giving chase; a brief chase scene then ensues, with Dexter relentlessly chasing Santa in his sleigh)
- Dexter: Pops is really going all-out this year, but I'll have to shoot him down to prove my theory!
- (A missile comes out from below the fighter jet and flies toward Santa's sleigh; Dexter laughs)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho... ho?! Ho, ho, ho!
- (Santa watches as the missile nears his sleigh; he pulls one of his sacks and throws it, with the presents coming out of the sack; the missile flies toward them and explodes)
- Dee Dee: Those better not be my presents!
- (Cut back to Dexter in his fighter jet)
- Dexter: That's it, Dad! You're going down!
- (He fires several lasers)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho! Ho?
- (The lasers from Dexter's fighter jet hit Santa's sleigh; an explosion follows)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho!
- (His sleigh loses altitude and hurtles downward into the Dexter family house rooftop, leaving a gaping hole behind)
- (Fade to the living room; it is now a complete mess; Santa is seen underneath his sleigh)
- Santa Claus: (painfully) Ho... Ho, ho.
- (Dexter walks toward Santa with the electric razor on hand; he turns it on and starts shaving Santa's mustache and beard)
- Dexter: (teeth looking like canine fangs) Hold still, Father!
- (He devilously smiles)
- Dad: (offscreen) Dexter, what are you doing?
- Dexter: Shut up! Hold still! Ha ha! I've almost...
- (He suddenly realizes what he's done, then looks at Dad as he towers over his son with his hands by his sides; the razor turns off)
- Dad: Dexter, what have you done?
- (Dexter looks at Santa and drops his razor)
- Dexter: Um...
- (Santa gets up; his beard and mustache are completely shaved off and is left with a tuft of hair on his head)
- Santa Claus: Ho, ho, ho.
- (Cut to Mom standing by the ruined Christmas tree)
- Mom: And just look at our Christmas tree! (She starts crying) Oh, Dexter!
- Dee Dee: And where the heck are my presents?!
- Dad: Dexter, what do you have to say for yourself?
- Dexter: Well... I'm sorry I ruined Christmas again, but um, isn't Christmas really about family, and (stammering) love, and, uh, sharing and--
- (He briefly sings the song "O Tannenbaum")
- Dee Dee: (popping in from the left) You blockhead, that's not what Christmas is about!
- Dexter: It's not? Then what is it about?
- Santa Claus: The presents. (He winks; Dexter looks befuddled) Ho ho ho!
- (Iris cut on Dexter and Santa's faces to black)