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Script


  • (Dexter and Dee Dee are walking home; Dee Dee is laughing uncontrollably at Dexter while he looks at her with a scorned look on his face)
  • Dee Dee: Oh, man, Dexter! I just can't believe it! You, of all people. Here, let me read it again.
  • (She picks Dexter up from the ground, gets the letter and reads it aloud, Dexter ducks his head near the end of the letter)
  • Dee Dee: Okay, now let's see. *clears throat* "It has come to our attention that your son Dexter's performance is not in compliance with the standards we have set fourth here at Huber Elementary. Therefore in order to alleviate this potential problem, we feel a parent, principal conference is necessary at this time." Well, Dexter, whatcha do?!
  • Dexter: Dee Dee, it's not so much what I did, it's what we are not going to do.
  • (He snatches the letter out of Dee Dee's hands)
  • Dee Dee: What?
  • (Dexter sighs and then jumps into Dee Dee's face)
  • Dexter: WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T YOU TELL MOM!
  • Dee Dee: But why?
  • (Mom opens the door)
  • Mom: Is that my two beautiful, perfect children who can do no wrong?
  • Dexter: *To Dee Dee* That's why.
  • (Dee Dee enters; Dexter follows a few moments after)
  • Dee Dee: Hiya, Mom!
  • Mom: Hello, my princess! And there he is, my little genius. And did you have a good day at school? Oh, how silly of me, of course you did! Every day is a good day for my little genius because you are the most perfect, wonderful, fantastic, and brilliant little boy who ever lived. Yes, you are!
  • (She laughs; Dexter has a forlorn look on her face)
  • Dexter: Aw, shucks, Mom! Rub it in, why don't you?!
  • (He runs up to his room crying and slams the door shut; Mom sighs contently)
  • Mom: And modest too.
  • Dexter: Daaah! What am I gonna do?!
  • Dee Dee: I know! Tell me what you did!
  • (Dexter stares straight on at the camera angrily; Dee Dee hops from the left to right, and lands on top of Dexter)
  • Dee Dee: Whatcha do? Whatcha do? WHATCHA DO?! Huh?
  • Dexter: Dee Dee, will you quit bugging me? I am trying to figure out a sneaky way of having this principal-parent conference without Mom finding out!
  • Dee Dee: Fine. I won't bug you anymore. But, Dexter, *waves index finger* if I was your mother, I would be very hurt to know that my own son couldn't be honest with me.
  • (Dexter has an idea; he jumps onto Dee Dee's head)
  • Dexter: That's it! Oh, Dee Dee, thank you! Thank you, thank you!
  • (He kisses her three times)
  • Dee Dee: So are you gonna tell Mom?
  • Dexter: Heck no! You're gonna be my mother!
  • Dee Dee: What are you talking about, Dexter?
  • (They stop walking)
  • Dexter: I'm talking about... the Molecular Makeover Machine!
  • (The camera pans over to a machine that has two giant lipsticks with a crown in the center)
  • Dexter: This baby can change the outer appearance of one organism, oh, let's say, you, to the exact likeness of another such as... Mom.
  • (Short pause)
  • Dee Dee: Well, I won't do it.
  • Dexter: Okay, I'll guess you'll never find out what I did then.
  • (Dee Dee's irises shrink; she is in between the Molecular Makeover Machine giving a thumb up; Dexter does the same. He then proceeds with the plan; Card A shows Dee Dee's silhouette while Card B shows Mom's silhouette; Card A shrinks into Card B and the silhouette flashes red)
  • Dexter: It's morphing time!
  • (He presses the start button; the two lipsticks start spinning and progressively get faster; the crown over Dee Dee lowers toward her head and shoots out a blue beam)
  • Dee Dee: Ooh... Ahh...
  • (The buckle between Dee Dee moves up and down slowly, and speeds up as it goes on; the machine slows down with Dee Dee having Mom's appearance; the beam and buckle shut off; Dee Dee looks around and screams in happiness, she proceeds to rub her hips)
  • Dexter: Dee Dee, cut it out! We're gonna be late! Come on.
  • (Dee Dee enters the scene standing on one foot)
  • Dee Dee: Is that any way to speak to your mother?
  • (She leaves the lab doing the ballerina walk; she and Dexter go down the flight of stairs)
  • Dee Dee: Dexter, I want you to wash your homework, feed the trash, take out your dinner, clean Dee Dee's room, mow the carpet, vacuum the grass, and water the cat!
  • (Dad appears from behind the staircase and grabs Dee Dee while growling like a cat)
  • Dad: Give us a kiss. *purrs*
  • (He starts to kiss Dee Dee, which she replies to by pushing him away)
  • Dee Dee: Ewww! Gross! I don't want to kiss you!
  • (She leaves; Dad blinks and goes off to the right)
  • Dad: *dejected* So, what's new?
  • (At the garage, Dee Dee is on her bike; Dexter looks out from behind her; Dee Dee pedals out of the garage at a great pace; she pulls her bike toward the school's front entrance; inside the hallway, a mother is seen looking at her daughter, who was a black eye; a father is seen sitting with his arms folded while his son looks around)
  • Dee Dee: Ooh, busted! Ooh!
  • Dexter: Dee Dee, don't blow this. Act like a mom.
  • (Dee Dee has an idea and pinches Dexter's cheeks)
  • Dee Dee: *Talking like a baby* Oh, I wuv you so much! Yes, I do! Let me pinch those wittle cheekie-weekies!
  • (In anger and embarrassment, Dexter punches her; the students and parents watch; the boy gives Dexter a thumbs up, which he responds with in the same manner)
  • Dexter: Cut it out!
  • (Dee Dee blows a raspberry at Dexter while he grins at her)
  • Receptionist: Dexter? The principal will see you now.
  • (Dexter walks toward the office door; Dee Dee leaps left and right and does her ballerina walk)
  • Dee Dee: *singsong* Dexter's in trouble! Dexter's in trouble! Oh, Dexter is, yes, Dexter is, I said Dexter is in trouble! Oh, Dexter is, yes, Dexter is, I said Dexter is in trouble!
  • Dexter: Don't ask.
  • (The door is slammed shut)
  • Principal: Uh, first off, I'd like to thank you both for coming.
  • Dee Dee: No problem, Princey!
  • Principal: Yes, well, I suppose you're wondering why you're here.
  • Dee Dee: You bet! What did he do? What did he do?!
  • Principal: Well, I was just getting to that, so if you'd like to take your seat.
  • Dee Dee: *sighs* Okay.
  • (She goes back to her seat; Dexter is seen shaking in annoyance)
  • Dexter: *whispering* Stop it.
  • Dee Dee: Stop what?
  • Dexter: *whispering* That.
  • Dee Dee: You mean this?
  • Dexter: *whispering* Yes, that.
  • Dee Dee: Why?
  • Dexter: *whispering* Because.
  • Dee Dee: Because why?
  • Dexter: *whispering* Because I said so.
  • Dee Dee: Well, who are you?
  • Dexter: *loudly* Your brother, that's who!
  • (The principal looks at Dexter with shocked eyes)
  • Dexter: Um... I-I-I mean... *he folds his arms, much to his humiliation* Sorry, Mom.
  • Dee Dee: That's okay, Dorkster. I know you're dumb. So, where were... *she eyes a bowl full of candy* AAAAAAH! Candy!
  • Principal: Oh, yes, uh, please... help yourself.
  • (Dee Dee is on the principal's desk gobbling away at the candy)
  • Principal: So... as I was saying, we here at Huber Elementary take great pride in our brightest students like Dexter here *he rubs Dexter's head, Dexter laughs*, which brings me to why I called you both here. It seems that, well, Dexter's grades are slipping.
  • (Dee Dee continues eating noisily)
  • Principal: Now, ma'am, I know this may be hard for you to swallow, but... but...
  • (His hands starts wobbling; Dexter grabs it)
  • Principal: Dexter got an A minus on his last test. *starts crying* I'm sorry!
  • Dee Dee: That's it? An A minus, that's what you did wrong?!
  • Principal: Uh...
  • Dee Dee: You give me a full body makeover all for a lousy A minus?!
  • Principal: Um...
  • Dee Dee: Jeez, I thought you stole the school mascot or destroyed the science lab...
  • Dexter: Hey!
  • Dee Dee: Or at least TP'd his office!
  • Principal: Hey!
  • Dee Dee: But nooooo, you got a stupid A minus, *hits Dexter's head* dork.
  • Principal: Oh my.
  • Dexter: Well, "Mom", I wouldn't have gotten an A minus *jumps up and raises his voice* IF MY STUPID SISTER WOULD STOP BUGGING ME!
  • Dee Dee: Dee Dee is not stupid! She is prettier, taller, nicer, friendlier, happier, and way more popular than you'll ever be! Plus, your father and I like her best so...
  • (She blows a raspberry; Dexter grabs her tongue, the principal gasps, Dee Dee uses her tongue and flings Dexter over to a poster; the principal covers his eyes; Dexter and Dee Dee make karate noises while jumping at each other; a fight between them breaks out)
  • Principal: Um...
  • (The siblings hit each other with punches)
  • Principal: Eh...
  • (The kicks come in)
  • Principal: Er...
  • (The fight continues)
  • Principal: Wait.
  • (The fight starts to get worse)
  • Principal: Er... stop?
  • (Dexter and Dee Dee continue throwing punches)
  • Principal: Please? Please! STOP!!!
  • (Dexter and Dee Dee stop fighting)
  • Principal: That's enough! Obviously, this Dee Dee is the root of a lot of aggression between you two.
  • (Dexter and Dee Dee look at each other)
  • Principal: Which is why I'd like the three of you to talk to the school counselor, let's say, same time tomorrow?
  • (The next day; Dexter, Dee Dee, and a dog are inside the counselor's office)
  • School counselor: Thank you all for coming. Really, thank you. Now, Dee Dee, tell me, how are you? How does Dee Dee feel?
  • Dexter: *in Dee Dee's body* Deeeeh, Dee Dee do feel dumb. Yeah, uh huh, uh huh!
  • (He starts saying "Dee Dee dumb" over and over, much to his sister's annoyance)
  • Dee Dee: Stop it, Dexter! I am not dumb, I mean, you're not dumb. Yes, Dexter, you as me is dumb...
  • (Dee Dee's sentences veer off into nonsense, causing her to become confused)
  • School counselor: Yes, I see. Now, Dexter, how do you feel?
  • (A dog inside Dexter is panting; he then barks and scratches with Dexter's foot; the counselor and principal stare in confusion)
  • School counselor: I see no problem here, do you?
  • Principal: Nope. Wanna go get some lunch?
  • School counselor: Surely.
  • (They leave; Dexter and Dee Dee continue arguing while the dog pants)

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